I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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