Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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