DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
