How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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