know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
