ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
