How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
