yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
