He is such a slut. More and more my type.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
