And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
