in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
