A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
