last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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