So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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