Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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