Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
