Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
