8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
