I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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