I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so let's talk penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
