I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
