i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize