So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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