I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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