I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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