Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
