And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
