Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize