Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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