his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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