you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
