I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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