Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
