Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
