It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
