I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
