so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
