and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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