my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
