Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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