mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
