you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
