i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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