Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
