talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
