Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
