maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
