Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
