It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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