it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
