It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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