I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
