Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize