Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
