if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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