I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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