she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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