brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
