matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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