I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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