Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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