k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I won the penis lottery.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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