I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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