If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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