Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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