He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
