if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize