I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
