Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
