I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
