I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
