I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
