Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
