2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
