maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
