i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
