I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
