Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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