Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have tasted many bathrooms
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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