And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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