My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
im on a boat
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