This is not my ceiling
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
