i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Small penises have feelings too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
